my dearest...

'And none will hear the postman's knock
Without a quickening of the heart.
For who can bear to feel himself forgotten?'

W.H. Auden

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it would be a wonderland

'cats and rabbits would reside in fancy little houses
and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers
in a world of my own.

all the flowers, would have very extra special powers
they would sit and talk to me for hours
when i'm lonely in a world of my own.

there'd be new birds, lots of nice and friendly howdy do birds,
everyone would have a dozen bluebirds
within that world of my own.'


'but i don't want to go among mad people!'
'well you can't help that.' the cat said, 'i'm mad, you're mad,'
'how do you know i'm mad?' alice asked.
'You must be.' the cat replied. 'You wouldn't be here if you weren't.'

Lewis Caroll.


alice in wonderland is one of those books that is beyond words for me. it was a childhood staple of mine that i read, and re-read, and re-read and then re-read again because i simply could not get enough of it. the gibberish, the made up words, the puns, the childishness, the wonderful magical quality to dreaming... all of it were things that fascinate me, both my 7 year old self and now 10 years later.

both the sir john tenniel etchings that accompanied my edition and the 1950s disney version have been ample accompaniments to my memory of the text, and engage my imagination like none other. i really do want the flowers to start singing to me, like they do in alice in wonderland the film, and a madhatter's tea party sounds like exactly the sort of thing i would be interested in.

it is also a source of fashion inspiration to some. the sort of childish, victorian school-girl look of longish dress/pinafore, alice band, cream tights, shiny patent black shoes, has become an inspiration to some. the colours are usually blue, white and red, although they do vary a bit. i myself prefer to go for darker colours, but i do think it is very cute to see people dressed in alice-esque get ups (inspired by, influenced by, or directly emulating). it brings back pangs of childhood.

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all children grow up, except one.

the child in me is the one who reads and re-reads all the children's classics over and over again. Peter Pan is one of those for me, and i love reading my mother's copy of Barrie's book (written to accompany the play), with illustrations that accompany the text showing wendy, john and michael flying for the first time, or Peter poised to drink his 'medecine'. the whole story is enchanting for me, and i love it with all my heart, because it represents, for me, the wonder and amazement of childhood and the glories of being young.

That's probably why i find finding neverland, directed by marc forster, so utterly amazing. marc forster is a seriously underrated director, who has an interesting style and a clear understanding of character driven pieces (just see the kite runner, if you don't believe me). Finding Neverland is a great movie, excellently directed, and acted superbly and with uncharacteristic restraint by johnny depp. i love him already because he's pretty, but it was in this movie that i began to respect him as an actor. it's easy for him, i think, to play the misunderstood loner or the comedian, it's harder for him to be a playwright with imagination. he's perfect, absolutely perfect, and he even looks the part too.

i also love the end, where neverland is transported into the home of the llewelyns for just a moment in the imaginations of all. the costuming is magnificent, stunning even, and it brought my heart to a stop. I also loved the general outfits in the film, it was all very 1900s, 1910s, with the long skirts and lacy chantilly tops. so delicate, creamy and flimsy.

i would give anything to have a time machine so i could experience everything that i live vicariously through in the cinema.

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on either side the river lie

'she left the web, she left the loom
she made three paces through the room
she saw the water lily bloom
she saw the helmet and the plume,
she looked down to Camelot.
out flew the web and floated wide
the mirror crack'd from side to side
'the curse is come upon me!' cried,
the lady of shalott.'

Alfred Lord Tennyson




Without a doubt one of the greatest ballads in existence. Arthurian legends are one of the only things that are almost universally liked by the general public. there's something for everyone, intrigue, forbidden romance, magic, swordfights, bravery, cowardice, religion even... And Elaine of Shalott's story is a touching one, revealing a side to Lancelot that previously we hadn't recognised. He is self-absorbed, and she, a cursed maiden, falls in love with his beauty, and all he does is spare her a few words of sadness. I can imagine Lancelot, actually, being too immersed in his own reflection to think of the dying girl before him.

One of my favourite bits in any movie is in the 1985 Anne of Green Gables, where she and her friends attempt to re-enact Elaine's story and cast Anne into the water with a posy of flowers. I haven't laughed harder since the part where, in the middle of the river and stuck in a boat without oars Anne realises her predicament and starts screaming wildly, trying to think of how she could possibly solve the problem. the transition from dying cursed maiden to frantic and hysterical teenage girl is hilarious.

anyway, the poem is just magical, simply magical, and epic too. definitely much too long to put in one post. but i recommend it to everyone, it is just beautifully written, the rhyming scheme is incredible to perceive, the story tragic, but beautiful.







and of course no writing on elaine is complete without waterhouse's iconic painting, hanging in the tate gallery.

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for there is nothing so innocent, so sweet, as chocolate.

chocolat is a visually arresting film, and even though it may just be a lowly comedy/drama, it is one of my favourites of all time, and a movie that i can constantly watch and rewatch without an ounce of remorse. the characters are given depth, despite the sheer amount of time where the story is focussed on vianne (juliette binoche), and the storyline is intriguing and interesting, that of out of towners vianne and her daughter anouk arriving in the tranquil and deeply village of lansquenet during the lenten fast and proceeding to 'shake things up' with vianne's chocolaterie, spirit and vivacity. It doesn't hurt that johnny depp lends some easy on the eye man candy, either.

two of the features of the film that make is so successful in my opinion are the music and the costuming. the music is a great score by rachel portman that blends folk with elements of jazz, classic french music pieces like la mer by charles trenet and recurring motifs of 'the north wind', 'vianne', 'the tannes' (the lake near the town), and 'chocolate'. the whole piece is played out with quivering strings that pierce the air, lively guitar and drums, haunting flute solos and a particularly memorable piece for the clarinet. it matches the frivolous, odd and magical mood that the movie has overall, and is a perfect accompaniment, a real achievement.

the costumes are one of my main fashion inspirations, even though they're from the 50s era, and not the 20s and 30s which i prefer. i think it is the use of colour, fabrics and sillhouettes that intrigues me the most. Vianne always has the same sillhouette (the cinched in waist and full skirts that suits her incredibly well) with a slight twist. the necklines of her blouses, for example, are always different which lends an edge to the overall outfit. the colouring is also really well done, it sets her apart form the murky browns and greys of the rest of the townspeople, showing how isolated she is from them throughout the main part of the film. She has one pair of red suede heels, not too high, that i love and have been searching for for about 3 year now. I need a pair of heels like those, i would wear them everyday if the shopping fairy would grant my wish.

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don't you just love, love, love, tiffany's?

'You know those days when you've got the mean reds.... the blues are because you're getting fat or maybe it's been raining too long. You're sad, that's all. But the mean reds are horrible. You're afraid and you sweat like hell, but you don't know what you're afraid of. Except something bad is going to happen, only you don't know what it is.'

one of the things that gets me out of the mean reds is breakfast at tiffany's, either the movie or the novella. both of them have a sort of rare, odd beauty to them, i can't really explicate it in words, but it is pure escapism. Holly Golightly, both the character that Capote envisioned and the one made famous by Audrey Hepburn (And they are two very different characters) are enchanting and bewitching. Hepburn is amazing, truly amazing, and the hype is real. this isn't the favourite of my films with her in it (i do enjoy how to steal a million and sabrina) but this is definitely her most memorable.

There's something about her carefree attitude, the way her gamine frame just seems to poke out from underneath those amazing costumes, the way she scribbles 'travelling' as her occupation on her letterbox, the way her cat doesn't have a name. This character, be it in the novella or the film, is just a delight to behold, and i know i'm not the only one who attests that i love this film. I harbour not so secret desires to act the opening montage out in new york (i've already done it at the tiffany's in sydney at 6 in the morning. ah!)

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bouquets of sharpened pencils

i love you've got mail. It is one of that rare breed of diverting popcorn films, it manages to leave the smile on your face for longer than just the fleeting, ephemeral pleasure of screen time. every time i see the movie, all i can do is smile and smile and smile for hours later, because i think the movie succeeds on many levels. on the superficial level it is a great chickflick that combines excellent characters with great casting, meg ryan is of course perfect as the cute as pie spring fresh kathleen kelly 'save the children' bookshop owner and tom hanks is superb as the smarmy business man whose sarcasm drips onto the keyboard and whose business policy was taken from the godfather, but it is also a love letter to new york city (and who doesn't love NYC?), a love letter to reading and books, a love letter to family and finally a love letter to, well, letters, as it were.

who isn't nostalgic, really, for the time when letters was the medium through which news, messages, thoughts and feelings were receives and sent. And although the film might seem to be preoccupied with technology and the internet it is actually more interested with 'snail mail'. the film manages to maintain an air of frippery whilst also tackling all of these things, and it never becomes the hard-hitting comedy that Juno or little miss sunshine was, but it is definitely one of the best romcoms ever to have been made.

one of my most favourite parts of the movie, which include kathleen's bookstore and knowledge of children's literature, is kathleen's apartment. it is a huge west side brownstone that in reality she probably couldn't afford, not considering her small income, but it is beautiful, packed with french provincial decorating, flea market finds, haphazardly strewn books, daisies (her favourite flower) and delicate china. It is a beautifully designed apartment, and i only wish i could have found more pictures to ilustrate this point. It is all very interestingly laid out, too, but i can't really describe it. The panning at the beginning of the film shows it all better than i ever could. I wish i could have an apartment like that, filled with all my books and things.

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a big mountain of sucre and cherries and gold flakes!

on the topic of wants.
will la maison d'yves saint laurent please send me this envelope clutch toute suite.
my life is incomplete without it.
i am supposed to be saving, yes, therefore sending it to me for free would be loverly.
i know i am not a celebrity in the strictest meaning of the world, but people like me.
and i would always tell people where i got the bag and how wonderful YSL is.
i believe that anyway, so it wouldn't be hard.
pretty please with sucre on top!?

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miu miu for me, please.

miu miu have done it again. i want these shoes. i need these shoes. (oh baby, oh baby).

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I'm not worried about first love, last love. now that's something.

speaking of dylan thomas, a segue if i ever saw one, i thought i might as well take a moment to comment on the visual spectacle that is the edge of love, the movie starring keira knightley, sienna miller, matthew rhys and cillian hinds. From the two female leads alone there is already an audience guaranteed among pervy boys and eager teen girls sporting female crushes. But the movie actually speaks about a really interesting time in both Thomas' personal history, and the history of the period itself.

Thomas, his wife Caitlyn and his childhood sweetheart Vera move to country wales as world war 2 rages around them, and vera's husband goes off to fight in the war. The whole time period was one of going without, sacrifice, remember that this was the era where women drew lines up the back of their legs with lip liner because they couldn't afford silk stockings. The whole dynamic between the two women and their love Thomas is intriguing, they are friends and then not friends, rivals and then bosom buddies. The whole thing has been promoted as a menage a trois so the boys go to see it, but i think its more than that. i think its an exploration of friendship and love and wartime england.

the costumes look quite nice as well. the whole thing is filled with beautiful skirts, flower print tea dresses, knobbled cardigans, fisherman's wellingtons and knee high socks, all 40s costuming that are adaptable today. I particularly love all of Sienna Miller's outfits. They're just great. She has a knack of making things look as if they were born to be worn by her, and this is interesting when in 40s costumes because she normally suits the 60s look what with her long limbs and striking face. Keira Knightley has the wrong body for 40s, she looked amazing in Atonement in the 30s costuming she has that boy-ish body that the time period favoured, but she does her best to fill out the skirts.

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do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.




Dylan Thomas

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of something beautiful, but annihilating

'Let Rome in the Tiber melt,
and the wide arch of the ranged empire fall.
Here is my place.
Kingdoms are clay.'

Antony and Cleopatra, Shakespeare

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time machine, time machine...

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stretch towards the sky

Does this photo not make you want to speed down country roads with scarves flying in the wind?

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1 year from now

i will be here next year! i cant wait to be a uni student!

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hitting the books

what is it about exam preparation that brings out the worst in people? those that are selfish won't share their notes, and those that are consciously apathetic force everyone to give them their notes. Those that are even slightly self conscious feel their stress levels rising daily, those that are just a smidgeon of a perfectionist suddenly start colour coding and post-it noting immediately.

We're in the middle of our trials, the large set of exams that we take before the final set of exams in october. These exams are important, like really important, for the year. They comprise almost half of our overall grade that gets coupled with our results in the actual HSC in order to form a UAI, or the ranking out of 100 that allows us to gain entry into university.

the course i want to do is 98.6 at the university i want to go to (Sydney Uni) and to get this mark there is a real pressure on me to succeed in my exams. The school is on my back because htey want good marks, my parents are on my back because they want me to get a good mark, and admittedly im pressuring myself too, for the satisfaction of doing well.

But enough is enough! everyday at school i have a meeting with someone about something or other, whether it be maximising results, taking good use of study time, how to stress less, what to do when blah blah blah... I'm sick of it! And on top of it teachers, parents, my parents, friends... everyone is saying Oh you're going to get 100. I'm bloody well not, and i don't want to either. i need everyone to leave me alone, for god's sakes, its making me even more stressed out than if i was forced to just sit the exams cold turkey, with no preparation or help at all.

I know this is the totally wrong place to take out my frustration, but i have tried everything, talking to the school, to my idiot of a pastoral tutor, to my parents... nothing works. i think i just need to tune it all out and try and focus on doing well for myself, and not for anyone else.

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one two buckle my shoe

perhaps it's my love of all things english and tea-related, but i want these shoes. ive been wanting them for such a long time now that i can't remember ever wanting anything else besides these shoes. Malheuresement, by the time i got my act (and money) together to go purchase them they were not being sold on the internet any longer, and when i asked in DJs if they were going to stock them the lady said no. So i can't have them unless miraculously someone puts a pair up on ebay in my size. *sighs dramatically*. life is so hard. but im supposed to be saving up for paris anyway, so i shouldn't really spend any money. But still. *sighs again*.

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Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Sylvia Plath




I really like the repeated motif of 'i think i made you up inside my head'. it is just very real, i think, that is exactly how girls think. At least, that's how i think.

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