end of an era;

my oldest friend turns 18 on saturday, and it is the end of an era for us. This year (and the beginning of next) me and my friends will cross the threshold of school children and become graduates, me and my friends will stop being illegal and become, well legal... No more the thrill of buying alcohol without an ID, no more the sneaky gravelly voice put on when purchasing cigarettes. the thrill will be gone.

I know im not the only one who thinks that drinking, smoking, living, partying is most fun when its not allowed, when the police could be grabbing you any minute as you swig from a bottle in the shady areas of hyde park, when you puff away on a cigarette under the street lights of oxford street. I'm going to miss it, i really am.

Being waved into bars and clubs as you flash a (real, not fake) ID and knowing that you cannot get denied at the seveneleven or the bottle shop are things that i just dont want to feel, not yet anyway. I want more years of this youthful rebellion and illegality. I want it never to end.

But sadly, this saturday as we settle down for dinner and drinks its going to be the end. the end of an era. And although it will open itself up to new avenues of university, and living away from parents and new legal responsibilities im still going to miss it. They were some great times, really.

So, my darling D, happy birthday. So long and thanks for all the fish.

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think only this of me;

'perhaps all our loves are merely hints and symbols; vagabond-language scrawled on gate-posts and paving-stones along the weary road that others have tramped before us; perhaps you and I are types and this sadness which sometimes falls between us springs from disappointment in our search, each straining through and beyond the other, snatching a glimpse now and then of the shadow which turns the corner always a pace or two ahead of us.'

Evelyn Waugh, Brideshead revisited.

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