1. Lady Victoria Hervey. Has anyone read her interview in hello? it is an insult to thinking (and non fake-tanning) people everywhere and also shows just how superficial she is. If only you'd kept your mouth shut, darling, you could have ensured that people didn't realise this for a little while longer. The whole interview went along the lines of, i knew i had famous ancestors growing up, but it was so uncool, i didn't care, it was all so long ago, i just wanted to be like everyone else. Of course now that she has access to her trust fund she thinks rather differently.
2. Alexandra Shulman. Great Vogue UK cover, though i think you've used Kate Moss quite enough for a little while on the cover of Vogue Uk. Overexposure is not your friend, trust me. My issue with you Alexandra, is why you have to be such a bitch sometimes when you write. I know this was in May, but i read your article on Victoria Beckham and the whole thing was subtly jibing her throughout. Actually, lets not be polite, you were downright rude. I may not like Victoria Beckham's style, but clearly the woman is dressing with class and sophistication, a right sight better than the Katie Prices and Pussy Cat Dolls of our generation.
Shulman wrote, and i paraphrase, because i can't remember verbatim 'Beckham's jeans, she tells me excitedly, reside next to other big brand denim names like Juicy Couture and Seven in Fred Segal's LA store.' Shuman is the editor of Vogue for fucks sake, she knows that neither Juicy nor Seven are considered 'cool' anymore. This is a really low way to say that she doesn't think that dVb is any good. Fine, your opinion Shuman, but don't take it out on Victoria in an article in Vogue which everyone, and i mean EVERYONE will read.
3. Whoever casts models at Vogue UK, probably Shulman come to think of it. STOP CASTING THE SAME MODELS! I AM SICK! SICK DO YOU HEAR ME! OF SEEING LILY, SASHA, KATE and AGYNESS IN EVERY ISSUE. and i don't need to see freja or suvi anymore either. For a magazine that is so hellbent on perpetuating themselves as supporting up and coming models why don't you feature some of them? Put Abbey Lee in an editorial, or even Myf Shepherd? both these girls are storming up the runways and working for the best designers out there but you have not even given them a spot in your hallowed pages. How's a girl supposed to catch a break when everyone plays favourites? Step your game up Vogue UK, or i may stop paying my 17.50 to get you air freight.
4. Whoever cast Sonia Prina as Orlando in Handel's opera at the Sydney Opera House. This was not a woman's role. It never has been, and shouldn't be. How can you believe the words that she(he?) is singing about love, desolation, faithfulness, virility, when it is coming out of the, admittedly low alto bordering on tenor, but sweet nonetheless, tones of a woman? You need to be able to believe the lead, eponymous, character of any dramatic production, if you can't then the whole thing becomes pointless. That is what happened in this production. And though you tried to be crazy contextual geniuses with the staging all i could think about was that there was girl on girl going on.
5. My stupid ancient history teacher. All you had to do was give me my reference so i could apply for this scholarship. You couldn't even do that, could you? You made some lame ass excuse about the principal having to sign it and that was that. Stop being lazy, i wrote almost all of it for you, just write one paragraph at the end as the pastoral tutor's comment. That is all i ask of you, all i have ever asked of you. You're a crap teacher, but at least you were kind of funny in class. Now i just hate you. You have made this whole scholarship thing a hundred times harder than it ever had to have been. Thanks for nothing.
6. Proenza Schouler. This has sort of been said before in this blog, but WTF? When did your muse become Alice Dellal. She has a certain appeal, yes, just like putting a knife in the switched on electrical socket has a sort of appeal, or swimming with sharks has a sort of appeal. Dangerous, slightly attractive, but never something that you would ever do. Alice Dellal looks like a prostitute. A pretty prostitute, and one who sometimes manages to dress nicely, but a prostitute nonetheless. Her clothes are tasteless, tacky and poorly put together. Contrived, even. Not something i would have ever, EVER, associated with the aesthetic of proenza schouler. I know MKA will wear it anyway, and manage to look adorably dishevelled in a crop top and long skirt, but that is because she is MKA with the physique of a young child. ANyone with the slight hint of boobs is going to look like a tart in all of your clothes. Please, PLEASE return to form in fall. I need your sophisticated tailoring to get me through the cold nights!!!
7. No newsagents having Paris vogue. I live in Paddington for fucks sake. All the french people live in this suburb. They love Paris, and i know most of them read Paris Vogue. Why don't anyone of you stock it? It's expensive, yeah i get it, but just charge the same as Vogue UK, i still buy it. I have been waiting, for months now, for the august issue, and i have seen neither hide nor hair of it. The June/July was the last one i bought 2 weeks ago. It is September!!! get your act together, newsagents, and start stocking the damn things. I need my Carine fix, and i need it NOW!
okay. end rant. that was rather cathartic, actually. night all!
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